Gradness Madness

We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. It cannot lead; it can only serve.

-Albert Einstein

Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it’s yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what’s inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them ‘is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life’.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it’s inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you’d want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgment - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it’s also ‘the act of erasing an emotional debt’. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that ‘mistakes’ are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - ‘causality’ must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn’t happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the ‘rhythm of life’, don’t struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six - “There” is no better than “here”. The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what’s good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don’t get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what’s right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.

Repeat as necessary.

I want to read this book.  I read a review in a magazine, and it sounds really insightful - good points about how our culture has come to define confidence and competence in terms of “forwardness,” and how we overlook the non-assertive as being unmotivated or uninterested.  This is especially important to think about as teachers - I was reading a study that said that quieter students are often seen as being slow learners, lazy, etc., and a lot of instructors grade on class participation, which does not come naturally to some.

At any rate, I plan to check it out, looks like an interesting and useful read.

http://www.npr.org/2012/01/30/145930229/quiet-please-unleashing-the-power-of-introverts

Great article about accepting the way you work, whether you’re a procrastinator or a planner:

http://chronicle.com/article/Accepting-the-Way-You-Work/130465/

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

- Dan Stanford

One of our first-year grad students keeps posting facebook status messages like this:

1.  I’m walking into walls - only had 4 hours of sleep

2.  Have 500 pages to read for tomorrow

3.  Haven’t eaten anything but ramen in a week

You get the idea.

I’ve written about the martyr thing - our tendency, as grad students, to complain about being overworked and overwhelmed.  We do it partly in a spirit of camaraderie, partly to impress our non-grad-school family and friends with how hard we work, and partly to feel better about ourselves.  And partly because we all have moments where we’re whining, sniveling babies who would rather play than get down to business.

My friend Em, who was ahead of me in the program, used to call me out on this.  SLEEP, she’d say.  It’s not a badge of honor to function on a few hours of shut-eye, and you’re really no good to yourself or anyone else in that state.  You need to eat properly, exercise, stay home when you’re sick.  Take care of yourself.  Quit being proud of the ways you neglect your well-being - that’s just stupid.  Ask yourself if you’re managing your time well; chances are, that’s the problem.

It’s taken me awhile to come around, but I’ve learned that she’s right.  When I hear the first years complaining about these things, I have to wonder: why?  Are you trying to connect with your cohort-mates in a spirit of shared misery?  Impress your friends?  Show us all that you’re not a weakling?

I want to tell them, sleep.  Eat.  Breathe the air.  This isn’t an interlude in life, this is your life.  Be well.

Be strong.

- Flynn

Repeat as necessary.

“The secret of happiness is freedom, the secret of freedom is courage.” 

― Carrie Jones, Need

A young friend is in the process of making a major life choice, and she’s taking a lot of flack from others (especially older relatives) about her decision.  ”You’ll regret this,” they tell her, and I understand their concerns, because I made a similar decision at her age and mine turned out badly.  But I really think that when they say “you’ll regret this,” they’re saying they regret a choice of their own.

Her mind, heart, and soul are pulling her in this direction - kind of like a tractor beam - and all these dissenting opinions are just causing her more stress.  So I told her to go for it.  It’s important to remember that the journey is different for each of us.  We all know people who took chances, who moved away on their own, who married young, who took time off from school (or stayed in school when maybe they should have taken time off), who made a major life change in middle age when everyone else said it would be impossible.  Some of these choices turned out well, and some badly.  Some of these choices would not have been for me.

When I decided to go to grad school, I had to deal with my share of nay-sayers.  Some said I was too old, others worried about the expense, or whether I’d find a job when I finished.  I understood these concerns, but I still felt it was something that I had to do, and I wanted to take the leap.  Whether we’re being brave or stupid when we make a major life decision, we’re acting on faith, and it’s harder when everyone’s tearing you down.  In the end, we must follow our hearts and do what’s best for us.

But it helps to have a support system.  We all need a soft place to land.  So when it comes to my friend, I’m not going to sing in the chorus of dissenting voices - I’m going to wish her well. 

- Flynn

Repeat as necessary.

“Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.” 

― Anne Lamott, Bird By Bird: Some Instructions On Writing And Life

(advice given by Anne’s dad to Anne’s little brother, when brother was feeling overwhelmed in writing a report about birds)

Paula Deen has Type II diabetes.  It’s been in the news a lot over the past couple of weeks, along with controversy and comment: did she “lie” to the public?  Did she misrepresent herself?  And perhaps most importantly: did she abuse her position as a public figure by promoting (arguably) unhealthy eating practices, while suffering from an undisclosed health problem herself?

One of my students brought up this issue in a discussion about ethics, and the class was pretty evenly divided.  I urged them to think deeper: let’s put aside what Paula did or didn’t do, and examine why this bothers us.  Some of us are given a public pulpit for our words, whether it be a cooking show on network television, a teaching position, or a blog.  Even as a student, when you make a presentation in front of the class, you are being given a public pulpit.  What is your responsibility to your audience?  Should our attitude be “every man/woman for him/herself?”   

On the one hand, each of us is responsible for our own behavior, regardless of outside influences.  But we also live in community with others, and the things we say and do can have wide-reaching influence.  We discussed the concept of acting with goodwill toward those with whom we interact.  We pondered the idea that one’s life is a “testimony” to one’s beliefs, and the effectiveness of “don’t do as I do, do as I say.”  We considered the tension between personal and public responsibility.

In the end, the controversy and discussion isn’t so much about Paula’s choices, but about the responsibility each of us has toward others when we speak in a public forum.  Rather than vilify our fallen idols, perhaps it’s more useful to think about that - to wrestle with the parameters of freedom and accountability in our own lives.  Yes, each of us is responsible for ourselves, but when things like this come to our attention, it’s an opportunity to look within. 

I’m taking another look at my own actions, and whether they are a fitting testimony to my beliefs.

- Flynn

Repeat as necessary.

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. - Walt Disney

We’ve all heard it, often from relatives, sometimes from old friends, occasionally from strangers: “oh, she’s a professional student.” When I’m labeled this way, I might laugh along, but I always find myself wondering - why is that a bad thing?

I have a couple of stock comebacks for these occasions. One is “well, everybody’s good at something; I’m good at school.” Another is “some people collect stamps, I collect diplomas.” But under the humor, I know what they’re thinking: she’s a perpetual adolescent, she doesn’t want to work (grad school isn’t work?), she’s avoiding the real world (this is my world, and it’s plenty real to me).

We long to explain ourselves, to make them understand how important this is to us. But I think perhaps academe is a subculture that can only be fully understood by those inside it. This is the pond I swim in, and these “waters” surround me every day of my life; they are my sustenance. I thrive here, but not everybody would.  Judging by others’ standards, we live rather unusual lives. We stay indoors for long stretches of time, devouring books. We write pages of stuff that only a handful of people will ever read. Then we emerge, blinking in the sunlight, and find ourselves surprised to discover that a week, or a month, has passed since we last took a walk, had lunch with friends, went to a movie. 

It doesn’t make us better, but it makes us different. We hunger for knowledge; we love to learn. We forego what others would consider enjoyable, and we read and do research instead. And part of our personal growth is coming to terms with the fact that others are going to consider us a little bit … odd.

Yes, I’m a professional student. Learning is my vocation. I get paid to read and write and think - isn’t that awesome? I don’t ever want to “retire” from the life of the mind.

- Flynn 

Repeat as necessary.

“Instead of making up excuses for why something is impossible, it’s far better to come up with reasons why it could be possible. One reason why is more powerful than all the reasons why not.”

 - Jackson Kiddard

“Promise Yourself 

To be so strong that nothing 
can disturb your peace of mind. 
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity 
to every person you meet. 

To make all your friends feel 
that there is something in them 
To look at the sunny side of everything 
and make your optimism come true. 

To think only the best, to work only for the best, 
and to expect only the best. 
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others 
as you are about your own. 

To forget the mistakes of the past 
and press on to the greater achievements of the future. 
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times 
and give every living creature you meet a smile. 

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself 
that you have no time to criticize others. 
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, 
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. 

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, 
not in loud words but great deeds. 
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side 
so long as you are true to the best that is in you. ” 

 ― Christian D. Larson

Repeat as necessary.

“You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can’t get them across, your ideas won’t get you anywhere.”

Lee Iacocca

Repeat as necessary.

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”

 - Coco Chanel

“Sometimes we bring to a struggle or cause the gifts we see most clearly, a courage, a strength, or a charm others have told us we have. But often we find more is asked of us than that, more than we intended or thought we possessed. We are asked to offer that which we thought dearest, to forgive what seemed unpardonable, to face what we feared the most and endure it. Sometimes we have to travel to the last step a path that was not of our own choosing. But I promise you this … it will lead to a greater joy in the end. The difficulty is that the end is beyond our sight, it is a matter of faith, not of knowledge.” 

 ― Anne Perry, A Christmas Visitor

Repeat as necessary.

“It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

“Perfectionism means that you try desperately not to leave so much mess to clean up. But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground - you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip. Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it’s going to get. Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move.” 

 ― Anne Lamott, Bird By Bird: Some Instructions On Writing And Life

Repeat as necessary.

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” 

― Elizabeth Gilbert